Friday, July 4, 2014

BLOODY STREAMS with Matt Dean


Welcome to the land of the free and another edition of BLOODY STREAMS! We've got some good ones for you to watch if you're staying in this holiday weekend. A bloody feature that isn't even out yet, a fun zombie flick, a new throwback and a 90’s classic. Don't ever say we never gave you anything.






Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero (2014)


This is one of those rare occasions that YouTube actually gets a movie before its release date. And it’s not released for another two months. The quality here is decent as well, probably came from a foreign DVD or Blu-Ray. The first forty minutes or so you’re inundated with ads, but you can quickly and easily navigate away from them and after that it’s smooth-sailing. OK, on to the film. I really enjoyed Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever. It’s the kind of fun body horror that he excels at and it’s a movie that I watch at least once a year. The shaving scene still makes my skin crawl. Then came Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever  and it was directed by one of my current favorites: Ti West; weird, huh? I enjoyed the film. It’s not quite as good as the first, but there are some pretty memorable scenes in it and since Ti went on to make some legitimate modern horror classics – I’ll cut him a break. Cabin Fever 3  was directed by Kaare Andrews who has mainly directed shorts, including “V is for Vagitus” in The ABC’s of Death. This time, obviously, we’re dealing with initial contact with the virus. A group of friends take a groom-to-be to a remote and “deserted” island to have one last party. Just in case you ever wondered, if someone offers a trip like this to you and it seems too good to be true, it probably is and you’re probably going to die in some horrible way. Of course, modern horror sequels wouldn’t be complete without young females in various states of undress, drug use and all around irresponsible behavior. It’s actually not a horrible film, though – despite it’s familiar aspects. If it’s taken down then definitely check it out when it arrives on DVD in August.





World War Z: Unrated Version (2013)


Tired of zombies yet? Of course you’re not, you’re a deviant. You liked the undead “before they were cool”. You liked the undead when they barely walked – much less ran like rabid dogs to eat their prey. You liked the undead when they were in black and white and were chock-full of social commentaries. You liked the undead when…well, you get the point. For us deviants, we know that the current zombie-boom will someday fade, but we will always be here ready to devour more flesh-hungry beings from beyond. With a mega-budget of $190,000,000 (estimated), this film is a prime example of the fact that zombies are ‘in’ right now. This time around, as many other films have done, the zombies are created when a deadly virus breaks out. The zombies are fast – almost ant fast. Early on, in trailers, this speed made them look kind of silly. Luckily, in context, it really worked. Brad Pitt does a great job as usual and the fairly unknown supporting cast does a believable job as well. Now, as for the Unrated vs. PG-13 debate, I stepped through a document outlining all seven minutes of the deleted / alternate footage and there’s not much difference. A few blood spurts here, some crying children there. Most of the time people automatically think unrated equals crazy insane moments and acts of horrendous violence, but, in actuality, it just means that it wasn’t rated by the MPAA. They could have extended the film by a measly 12 seconds and it would be considered unrated. In the end, it just depends on if you want to spend seven more minutes with these people.

UNRATED:

PG-13:




Almost Human (2013)


I’ve been lusting over the poster for this film for months now. It’s a painted masterpiece that harkens back to the golden age of VHS box art that deserves to be in a museum. Thankfully, the film does this as well. With a mixture of alien-abduction and slasher film, Almost Human  is a rare treat. The film starts out with Mark Fisher, a middle-aged lumberjack, getting beamed up into a bright blue light and disappearing for two years. During this time his fiancĂ© and best friend (who both witnessed the abduction) have trouble coping with the situation. When Mark returns it’s easy to see that he’s not himself. He begins to go on a killing spree and steals the bodies for some sort of colonization. It reminds me so much of the sci-fi and horror of the 80’s that we all fell in love with at too early an age. Elements of The Thing  and Friday the 13th  are rampant. The effects are beautifully practical, the blood is flowing and it’s just a really fun time. Give this one a shot while it’s streaming here. While you can pay to stream the title on various platforms, the DVD/Blu-Ray looks more difficult to get a hold of; on amazon at least – where you have to purchase it from a third party seller.




The Craft (1996)


Another horror element that has recently become popular – witches – is the highlight of this 90’s gem. Funnily enough, Neve Campbell and Skeet Ulrich both starred in this film and Scream (NETFLIX) and both films were released in 1996. Now, I won’t go into the many, many ways in which Scream is a far superior film. I’ll leave that for another day. The Craft  is setup like many teen films from the 90’s; such as Scream, Clueless, She’s All That, Jawbreaker, etc. It’s set in an affluent high school where the cliques are many, the upper crust rule the school and the outsiders never get their way. In this case, the outsiders are four girls who just happen to be into the occult. They use these abilities to turn the tables on the popular kids. I love this movie because it does set itself up like so many other “normal” movies and then, much like horror in general, turns the entire situation on its head. It’s what Friday the 13th did for summer camp or what Halloween  did for babysitting. It takes elements that everyone is used to and throws in danger and dread. While it may be a bit tame compared to a lot of horror, I believe it deserves a spot in the deviant culture because it handles these aspects in such a great way and, come on, who wouldn’t want to have powers of witchcraft in high school. Things would have gone much smoother.




Matt, Signing Out



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